Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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