Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
