he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
