I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
