hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
