I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
