is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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