Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
