It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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