theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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