I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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