I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
