I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
