I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
