I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
