oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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