we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
