I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
