I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
