Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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