i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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