i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
