I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
