I puked a lego.
I wish I only lived at night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
