he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
