I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
