First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
