Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
