Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
