my mouth tastes like poor choices
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
