she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
