What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
