standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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