Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
