his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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