i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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