Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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