I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
where are my eyebrows?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
