I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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