margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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