so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
