Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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