Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
