I got chris browned last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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