Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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