I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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