once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
