STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just had sex bonerless
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
