it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?