soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.