How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad