there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.