I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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