just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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