The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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