Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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