you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
