Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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