There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
