Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
