You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
