i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
