listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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