in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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