did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize