Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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