Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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