was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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