Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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